Every once in a while I get very personal on this blog. Today is one of those days. I’m going to be alarmingly real here. This is for you photographers.
The events of the past couple of years of my business have been circulating throughout my mind over the last several weeks as I’ve been grasping at straws in so many ways in my own life…both personal and professional. If I’ve learned nothing more in the past several weeks…I’ve learned that life is worth living and living well. I’ve said it a dozen times on this blog, I’ve said it to workshop attendees, I’ve said it on forums, and I’ve been quoted as saying it…”This is a consuming business!” It doesn’t have to be…but for most of us it is. I’m speaking to you, photographer. Pouring ourselves into something creative, something of life long value, something that is a piece of us…a reflection of us…that comes from our heart, and something that we are so passionate about…it can take it’s toll…and it’s an exhausting cycle.
Every few months I go through a dark period…I hate my work – passionately, I hate the same old thing, I feel such desperation to do something new or different that allows me to be creative, and I long for knowledge beyond what I have about this art…this business…this life. And it’s exhausting. Debilitating almost. Sometimes I have time to let my thoughts run wild and I have time to pour myself into some creative new outlet…or some new style of shooting…or processing…or creating…or way of doing something…anything…differently. Other times when this dark cloud comes over me I’ll find myself in the midst of dizzy busyness and I feel like I get swallowed up in a never ending cycle of shoot, edit, order, deliver, email, shoot, edit, etc. But…there’s just no time for change…and I nearly suffocate from it all. This November and December were like that for me. And at the end of the day…every day…I felt like I lost a little bit of myself in all of this.
I have an awful lot of visitors to this blog everyday…sometimes I wonder why so many people visit here. I’m a terrible blogger…something I beat myself up for on a daily basis. I’ll be completely honest…I don’t like to blog…at all. I don’t like to write, unless I feel like I have something important to say…and to tell you the truth…I get tired of writing the same old thing session after session. It all runs together…and I hate the lack of genuineness. Some people blog so passionately that they put the rest of us to shame. (You KNOW who I’m talking about!) But…those are rare people who are both photographer and writer with equal ease. I admire that. It’s not me. I can write…sure…when I care deeply about what I’m writing about. I would love to just post pictures…ones that don’t require words at all. But…I go through the blog grind like the rest of you. You, photographer, know why we have to do this…and I think it sucks. Don’t you wish sometimes that we could all just stop? I want to stop.
Some of you are photographers, some of you are past clients who come back regularly to see what I’m doing, some are friends, and some find their way here by referrals or by web searches (I apologize to you if that’s how you arrived here today). It’s a vastly varied group. But…today…I’m talking to the photographers…or to anyone who can relate to these feelings in their own life:
Inadequacy vs. Confidence | Outward Success vs. Personal Failure | Creativity vs. Analyzation | Passion vs. Desperation.
This is where I’m at right now. I have a lot of decisions to make regarding my business…and my life…and what’s most important to me. I want to live…and not just exist. I want my camera to truly capture how I uniquely see the world…instead of just capturing what’s common. I need to be an artist…otherwise I’m just taking pictures.
Next Tuesday I am going to Atlanta. I am going to push myself creatively and technically in ways that I never have before. I am going to bask in the glory, knowledge, and wisdom of Zack Arias…and I am probably going to annoy the heck out of him and Meghan by following them around like their long lost love-child. I’m going to have 6 days in Atlanta to focus on my business, my life, my art, my goals, my dreams…and I’m excited to rediscover myself in all of this. I’ve been very blessed to be constantly busy since beginning my business…I wouldn’t change a single thing about the journey so far…but, I’ve been sitting at the proverbial fork in the road for weeks now…and it’s time to take a risk and choose a direction. I hope you’ll all continue to walk with me, whichever path I choose…you’ve been my favorite part of the journey.
I’ve embedded a video below that Zack Arias created back in February. Most of you photographers will have already seen it by now…but, watch it again. It’s only 10 minutes. Even if you’re not a photographer…it’s worth watching. To me…it’s life changing. Since February, I’ve probably watched it 20 times. I relate to every single thing that he says in this video…and I can’t wait until the day that I don’t.
To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all. – Oscar Wilde
‘Til Next Time,
S
21 comments